Ed the Janitor

HISTORY

Ed was born to poor immigrant parents in lower-class New York. He grew up and soon found his calling one morning while doing his daily chores. He was born to clean. He quickly dropped out of the community college his parents had desperately struggled to put him in and got a job as a high school janitor in the same school he used to attend. While there, he met Mitsy, an extremely wealthy young girl who wanted to marry him for his family name and cleaning ability. Together, they grew and eventually had a family of five: one girl, one boy, and a small York Shire Terrier. Eventually, the school he was working at underwent some economic hardships and Ed was released. He immediately went to find a new medium in which to work. That’s when he discovered that the UCTF was hiring a janitor. He applied and was quickly approved. However, in a surprise match, he was beaten down by the great Happosai and fired the same day. Now he has returned to attempt to be a UCTF janitor once again. However, due to a small error in a fax, the contract he signed was not that of a janitor, but rather that of a fighter. Plainly put: He’s screwed.

MOVES

Home Run Swing: Ed places his mop bucket on his opponent’s head and gives it a mighty bang with his trusty mop.

Whirling Dervish: Ed puts his mop bucket on his own head, then slings his mop over his shoulder and spins around wildly.

Good Clean Fun: Ed will suddenly pretend that he’s not fighting and begin to clean the ring. He does this in hopes that his opponent will forget that there is a match going on.

The Sudsy Flood: Ed kicks his bucket over and slippery, soapy water floods the ring.

Duck and Cover: When his opponent is running at him, Ed falls to the mat and curls into a fetal position. This will cause his opponent to trip and fall. Often, when he gets up, he will turn and trip on his fallen opponent, accidentally dropping a knee to the throat and landing in a potential pin-fall.

Guilt Trip: Ed will drop to his knees and beg for his life. If he’s REALLY serious, he’ll pull out his wallet and show his opponent pictures of his family back in Cleveland.

Panic Strike: Ed cowers down in a haunch and will blindly jab his mop out, accidentally hitting his opponent in the mid-section. He’ll then apologize profusely.

Yiddish Corkscrew: Ed will ascend to the top turnbuckle, but slips and accidentally performs a Springboard Moonsault.

That’s Not Kosher: Ed drops his mop, and as his opponent attacks he’ll accidentally duck under it while trying to pick up the mop. As he lifts it, the handle will come up and hit his opponent in the crotch. On female opponents, this can have a very different effect H_H. Once again, profuse apologies.

The Not-Quite-Berserker Rage: Ed enters a total berserker rage, randomly swinging his mop in all directions as he runs around the ring like a moron.

Emergency Call: Ed pulls out a cell phone and calls 911, then begs the police to come and protect him from the crazy psycho trying to kill him.

Jewish Sports Star: Ed will accidentally step in his bucket, then kick it off. By total fluke it will hit his opponent square in the face.

FINISHERS

Shalom Shalom: As soon as his opponent is down or he somehow gets a quick 3-count, Ed will jump up and run out of the building. He will get in his car and drive all the way, nonstop to Cleveland, Ohio to his wife and kids.

Cheres Qor Stunner: If the situation is dire and he finds he must fight back and somehow gets his opponent doubled over, he will quickly perform his own version of the Stone Cold Stunner.

Perfect Bris: After the Cheres Qor Stunner, he stumbles about and accidentally steps full weight on his opponent’s genitalia. He then falls into a pin-fall (This doesn’t work on females... hopefully)